Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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