Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
