i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
