The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
