Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't think brook has ever known best
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
