Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
