Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
