Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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