Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am spending my child support on dildos
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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