I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
