Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
