You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
