When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
