Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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