that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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