after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
