Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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