I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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