Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize