I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
