She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
