Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
