everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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