i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
