I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
