Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize