i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the day after is always just damage control
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize