I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
