I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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