i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
