if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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