At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
