She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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