jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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