Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think my fart just growled at me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
