Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
