i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
