I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
