It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
