I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize