I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
