Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
