Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
