in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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