Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
