Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
