dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
