i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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