When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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