i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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