i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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