i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
