I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
