I wish I could teleport
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
