can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize