I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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