we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
