ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
