The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
