from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
