I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
