I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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