I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize