bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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