i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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