Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
